Citizens Bank Park at 6:40 p.m. hosts the baseball equivalent of a rom-com mismatch: Michael Soroka (2-0, 0.90) is pitching like he’s allergic to runs, while Jesús Luzardo (1-1, 4.97) is out here trying to remember where the plate went. Both clubs limp in at 6-6, but only one still has its starting first baseman—Arizona’s IL reads like a grocery list and the Phillies’ bats are stuck on “self-checkout” (.220 AVG).
ESPN Unlmtd gets the broadcast rights; viewers may want unlimited bourbon. Philly’s staff ERA (4.21) is generous, Arizona’s (3.89) merely polite, and the combined team average (.223 vs .220) proves you don’t need hits to fill three hours of television. Pick your poison—or just pick the side that isn’t starting a walking, talking batting-practice machine on the mound—and holler at us on StreakChat when the carnage clears.